Belief: My infant loves nursery...
Do Infants Really "Love" Nursery? Rethinking a Common Narrative
It’s a familiar reassurance: “Children love nursery!” And for many children, attending nursery at the right developmental stage really can be a positive experience. From around two-and-a-half years old, and especially as they approach their third birthday, most children are able to benefit from a couple of short sessions each week. By the end of that year, some may even thrive in a routine that resembles early school hours.
At this age, children can usually tell their parents that they’ve had fun — and if they say they’ve had a lovely time, it’s very likely true.
But what about younger infants who don’t yet have the language to express how they feel? How can parents distinguish between a child who is happy to see them at pick-up, and a child who has actually enjoyed their hours away from them? This is where assumptions often step in.
The Narratives We Create
Humans are storytelling creatures. We build narratives throughout our lives to help us make sense of our choices and environments. These stories protect us, comfort us, and support our identity. They become our truth — even when others in the same circumstances interpret events very differently.
Just as no two artists will ever paint an identical interpretation of the same scene, no two parents will share the exact same experience of nursery. Our beliefs are influenced by our individual histories, but also by the cultural values we absorb from the world around us.
When Culture Shapes Parenting Beliefs
Over the past four decades, western societies have shifted dramatically. Economic success, productivity and work have become the markers of a “good life.” In this system, parenting — especially during a child’s earliest years — has been devalued.
When families feel pressure to return to work quickly, a shared cultural narrative emerges: infants love nursery. Not because it is always true, but because it helps ease the emotional weight of daily separation. This narrative helps us cope — but it doesn’t necessarily reflect what babies actually experience.
What Infants Need — And What Nurseries Can’t Replace
Infants in day nursery are still developing fundamental emotional security. They rely on deep, consistent attachment and one-to-one responsive care to feel safe. Yet a nursery environment, even a high-quality one, must operate around routines and group needs:
- Activities may be too structured for very young children
- Sleep and feeding schedules may not align with their own rhythms
- Adult attention is divided among many children
Within the same four walls each day, surrounded by peers who also lack language and emotional regulation, infants are doing the hard work of survival — not play-based fulfilment.
Children only truly begin to “love nursery” once secure attachments are established and they have enough language to express comfort, joy, and belonging.
A Space for Honest Reflection
Acknowledging this doesn’t mean parents are doing something wrong. It simply opens the door for more honest conversations about what babies need, how our systems support (or fail) families, and how we can hold empathy for both parents and children.
Because when children suffer, even silently, those experiences ripple into adolescence and adulthood. And when we allow cultural pressure to override developmental reality, we risk misunderstanding the youngest — and most vulnerable — members of our society.