Belief - They will not remember it when they are older. 

There are two things wrong with this as an assertion that day nursery is an acceptable form of infant care. First, there is a suggestion that there is something that would be better not remembered. Second, it is true that they will not remember consciously, but, as the title of the best selling book by Bessel Van der Kolk tells us, ‘The Body Keeps the Score.’

Gabor Mate presents a synonymous message in ‘When the Body Says No’. Neither of these writers mention day nursery specifically. I believe the ubiquitous use of day nursery as an infant care option renders anyone who is explicitly negative about it is vulnerable to harsh criticism. However, knowing, as we do, that spending long hours separated from their mother, being in an over stimulating environment, with inadequate care from under trained, underpaid and over allocated staff. When early attachment relationships are disrupted and they do not develop well, the effects are physical, and psychological and they can be lifelong. 

Body and mind are not separate entities and psychological stress leads to psychological and  physiological ailments. However, because we do not see an instant correlation, it is easy to create narratives that deny there is a causal link at all. Especially as millions of other people, who have not read the research, make choices that serve to reinforce the dominant discourse and not the interests of our most vulnerable citizens.  

Lack of conscious memory helps to keep the narrative going as infants become children, teenagers and adults who are perplexed by their social anxiety, their bothersome eczema, their constant low mood or ADHD to name only a few long term outcomes. 

If, as therapists, we omit to include an exploration of a client’s history earlier than their conscious memory, we are colluding in a conspiracy of silence. Our silence supports a practice to thrive that is every bit as harmful as boarding school is now recognised to be. 

Often, as far as a client is concerned their parents were loving and their lifestyles were materially comfortable. They  locate the blame for their struggles within themselves. Our role as a therapist is not to relocate the blame within the parents, as, generally it is true that parents do love their children and do not knowingly make harmful choices for them. However, it is difficult to see how we can authentically offer maximum beneficence for clients if we do not bring their earliest attachment experiences into the therapy space. 

We would not use a lack of conscious memory of sexual or physical abuse or physical neglect to justify allowing it to happen or being party to it. Relative to a whole career span, the time that infants need a parent, to be with them almost constantly, is short. It is 30 months. This is the minimum they are owed. If they are not given this, we then need to be honest about what might be the source of their social, emotional or physiological struggles, so they can understand and believe they are not flawed, they are suffering from the effects of a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. 

Only by having the courage to talk about this can we hope to modify the systems and structures and cultural values and beliefs that we have bought into to our peril.